Couples Therapy
WE’RE STRUGGLING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO TURN.
Do you feel lonely in your relationship?
Has your partner turned into your roommate?
Do you feel unappreciated and tired of doing everything?
Are you walking on eggshells because every conversation seems to escalate?
Are you devastated by a betrayal that you don’t know how to get past?
It can be terrifying to realize your marriage is in trouble, much less to say the words out loud.
It was so easy in the beginning. You could spend hours together doing nothing and talking about everything. You felt so connected - as if you’d known each other forever.
Over the years, however, things can change. You can get caught up in taking care of the kids, careers, the house, and extended family. Perhaps you don’t even realize you’ve stopped turning toward one another until it hits you that you feel completely alone. Maybe you’re fighting all the time, feeling like a nag trying to get your partner to pay attention to you, or worse, you’ve stopped fighting and have shut down completely. If a betrayal such as an affair occurs, it can feel like a bomb has exploded in your life.
It can feel impossible to unravel years of problems, resentments, and miscommunications or to find the spark that once existed, the in-love couple you used to be. Where to even begin?
MOST RELATIONSHIPS HIT A ROUGH PATCH
All relationships experience problems at some point. Life transitions can be especially rough. Many empty nesters realize they don’t know each other anymore without the kids to distract them. Couples approaching middle age can question, “Is this all there is?” Having little kids around can strain a marriage as all the energy is poured into the kids with little to nothing left for our partner. Add to that the trauma of the Covid lockdown and the adjustment coming out of it - sometimes our agreements about who does what need to be completely re-made or resentment will boil over. Furthermore, research indicates that upwards of 40 percent of married couples are impacted by affairs. Whatever it is, you are not alone.
Oftentimes unhealthy patterns have been going on for so long that it takes an experienced, trained couples therapist to help identify, untangle them, and create healthier ones. We might seek marriage advice from friends, but the truth is most people don’t have the skills to do this on their own, so why should they? We are not given some magic healthy relationship manual and many of us haven’t had great role models for healthy ones.
The good news is you don’t have to figure this out alone. Couples therapy can help you to resolve outstanding issues and create a new, more connected relationship.
COUPLES THERAPY CAN HELP YOU RECONNECT, COMMUNICATE, LOVE, and THRIVE
Couples therapy will give you a safe space to explore what has gotten you to this place in your relationship, what needs to change, help navigate negative emotions, and how to make those changes. I don’t believe that we can wing this though. My work is guided by research-based methods in which I continually train that are proven to help you to create the relationship satisfaction you crave.
I’ll start by getting to know you as a couple, your history, and what’s going on now. Then, I like to get to know you each individually, your pasts, your dreams, and your disappointments. Only then can we plan the best path forward. A path in which you both feel heard and that goes deeper than surface level problems to identify issues at their roots so we can create lasting change. My goal is to only be in your lives for a short time - to set you up so you can safely have the necessary conversations and work towards inevitable conflict resolution on your own going forward.
Through the lenses of some of the most respected couples counseling services and treatments (I told you, your relationship is too important to wing it!), the Gottman Method, The Doherty Approach, and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), we will quickly identify the dance or negative cycle you’ve been stuck in and how it impacts your relationship. We’ll also address areas of your relationship that might need attention, such as connection, communication, co-parenting, conflict, and shared life goals. If there’s been a betrayal, such as an affair, we will address the hurt during marriage counseling, explore underlying issues, and create a plan for the restoration of trust.
For couples where one partner is considering divorce or separation, another option is Discernment Counseling. This is short-term counseling (1-5 sessions) and is designed specifically. In this situation, traditional couples counseling can backfire because the “leaning out” partner often doesn’t have the energy or motivation to work on the relationship. The purpose here is to help each of you gain confidence and clarity surrounding this life-changing decision without the initial commitment to work on the relationship (you may choose to do that later).
I’ve helped many couples like you find their way back to each other and reconnect, even where there have been significant betrayals. No one asks for this crisis, but because of it, you actually have the opportunity to build a relationship that is stronger, more satisfying, and more intentional than it ever was.
So you still have questions about marriage counseling...
A lot is at stake; how do we know marriage counseling will work?
Marriage counseling is a big investment emotionally and financially, and so you want to make sure you’re with the right couples therapist who will understand what is at stake and has the training and skills to give you the best shot at success. I am not just an individual therapist who happens to see couples. I have committed myself to honing my skills through continued trainings as well as immersing myself in couples dynamics and up-to-date research and literature on what makes marriages succeed and fail. I do believe that relationships can heal and change and that my role as a couples therapist is to hold that hope for the couple.
What if you take my partner’s side?
During couples therapy, it is not my job to take sides or assign blame and I will never do that. My underlying belief is that each partner’s feelings are valid. I will help facilitate conversation so that you each feel heard and understood by your partner. Then my job is to help you identify the dance you are doing together, the patterns you’ve been stuck in and to change those moves to create new, healthier dances together.
Couples counseling is expensive and takes a lot of time.
Yes, couples counseling is an investment in time and money, but one that can pay off by creating a satisfying, lasting relationship and frankly keeping a family together. I take your investment seriously and work hard to ensure that I come prepared to every single session so that we are making progress each time. I am keenly aware that the stakes are high and so marriage counseling with me is very focused and purposely moves at a faster clip than individual therapy often does.
Ready To Reconnect And Live A Happy, Fulfilling Life Together?
You deserve to live a life fully realized and connected to your partner. If you’re ready to begin to create a new future together, then I invite you to schedule a free 15-minute consultation where we can discuss how couples counseling can help your relationship thrive. I am accepting new clients for my individual therapy, counseling therapy, and discernment counseling services.
